The Message to Modern Women

Pushing Women Up at the Expense of Men

Women are pushed forward in almost every area of life today, usually at the expense of men.  They are told that they can succeed at anything the want to do and only evil men seek to hold them back.  Many Christians have unfortunately bit into this foolish idea and regularly lead women astray as well, even while claiming to oppose the harmful messages from the world.

A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

This phrase was commonly trotted forth as feminism continued its tromp through our society many years ago.  Men were supposedly completely worthless, except perhaps as sperm donors to help women have the children many of them wanted.  Men certainly weren’t important beyond that.  Women were supposedly the peak of human perfection, all by themselves.  They didn’t need a man for anything, right?

Anything a Man Can Do, a Woman Can Do Better!

This was another popular phrase, but it is completely idiotic.  Women are not super humans that can do it all, with men being needless appendages.  This would be funny if it were taken so seriously today.  It has proven wrong time and time again, yet it still underlies the thinking of many today, in spite of how much it goes against reality.

Certain Stereotypes are Really True

The range in men and women and their abilities does overlap, but each has a different role to play in life overall, in spite of our attempts to pretend otherwise.  Men are, on average, stronger than women.  This is why sports have male and female divisions.

Pickle Jars

The old joke about men being needed to open pickle jars remains funny because it is so true.  Upper body and hand strength favors men overall, even if a specific woman may be better than a specific man in this.  Society is attempting to breed weak men who can’t open these jars, but that is a choice, not an inherent reality.

You Can Be Anything You Want to Be

This is one of the biggest lies foisted on our society.  It has caused great harm since all of us cannot be anything we want to be.  A woman will never be a top NFL player for one example.  Women’s sport leagues are much less focused on raw ability than the male version, as the WNBA showed, validating this difference.  That game is far different and was ultimately unpopular with most potential fans, whatever their gender.

The Biblical Focus

[Tit 2:4-5 NKJV] 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 [to be] discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

The Scriptures cover about what women should be taught, but few practice that today, even in the Church.  It may be an occasional message at a limited attendance (during the workday) women’s Bible Study lead by the pastor’s wife, but it is rarely heard from a pulpit, let alone at a strong woman’s conference.

A local church regularly has a woman’s conference where they focus on a woman being all she can, yet they leave out coverage of the very things noted in the verses above.  They instead focus on the one area women were excluded from, preaching to men, though they may not use those exact words.

Overcoming the Past without Repentance

Such conferences will regularly tell women that they need to overcome their past.  They will likely have testimonies from women who left abusive relationships or such and learned to get on with their lives.  It is never questioned how abusive things really were, since a woman would never misunderstand something, right?  (See Eve for a clear example of a woman being very confused about things and getting others into trouble.)

No woman is ever confronted for unrealistic expectation or even told to “go and sin no more” as Jesus told the woman caught in adultery.  The focus is only on how wonderful and beautiful the woman is and how she can and should succeed in life.  This message is not bad in some aspects, but needs to be coupled with a message of repenting from past sin, not ignoring past poor actions that are likely to be repeated.

Another Version of the Prosperity Gospel

I am someone who believes the Bible has many promises on health and wealth that too many today leave behind, but some of the criticism of those who got overly focused on that is also true.  We must focus on both God’s promises and provision as well as our roles in bringing that about.  Churches rarely do the latter for women today however, making it all about how woman can and should succeed with nothing said about their own role to follow the firm commands of Jesus along that path.

I expect to write more on this in the future, but hopefully this post has laid the groundwork of the significant error in this area along with how many Christians have unfortunately completely followed that and strayed from the clear teaching of the Word of God.

A Lack of Compassion

A Harsh Message

I am going through my own struggles in life as I find that I am very alone.  I have a very strong relationship with God, but lack great connections with people and that makes things very frustrating.

An Easy Button?

This often leads me to bring the general topic up with other men and I have found that very few have much if any compassion on the struggles facing other men.  Many of these have solved their own problems (or at least think that) , so they believe they have the easy button solution for everyone else and hold that as the only proper way forward.

Using the Truth (or not) as a Hammer

This leads men to be quite harsh with other men.  They know the way to fix a man’s problem – it is always just personal action on the part of the man they are speaking with.  This makes them quite similar to Job’s counselors.  They judge the one who is suffering instead of reaching out and helping them.

An Example

Making friends is quite difficult for many men today.  Telling them to “just do it” is completely counterproductive and idiotic.  Telling them just to approach men they want to know is like telling someone in a wheelchair to just start walking or even run laps.  It may be accurate for a very few, but it is completely impossible for many others.

Many men in that situation have spent a life trying to do the very thing the arrogant Christian man is telling them is the needed action, but the one giving the advice/command does not even see the problem.  It worked for them after all!  It will work for anyone, right?

A Silver Bullet

Another danger many Christians face is to see every problem as having the same core solution.  Just as a silver bullet would slay any werewolf, the specific recommended action will definitely solve the problem.  Any claim that it is not productive is merely a sign of a failure to be persistent, believe God, or some other simplistic answer.  A silver bullet is a myth, but not to these counselors.

Realize You are Not God’s Gift to Men

Such men will almost certainly say they don’t know it all, yet their actions and advice indicate they do think they know it all in this area.  They assert they have the solution and everyone else would do well to just follow it.  Thus they lack the needed compassion to really help other men going through very tough times.

Looking at Job’s counselors is a good example.  They did sit with Job for a while at first, saying nothing, but they could not block out the accusations and claims of the proper way to proceed once they started talking.  This ended up getting them rebuked by God, something that is likely for many today, though they will likely ignore that rebuke most likely.

Stay Away from Such Counselors

I would advise you to stay away from such counselors if you are a man going through a very hard time.  They are almost certainly stuck in their position and few want to learn anything that would contradict it.  Don’t try to correct them, just stay away and focus on others.  This can be tough when so few are compassionate, but you will never get help from those who are convinced they are already right.  You have a tough enough road, stop getting distracted on the journey since it will never help.

Advice to Such Men

Stop being so arrogant if you are the type of man I discuss here.  Open your eyes and realize that your insight may be useful, but it must be delivered in a compassionate manner.  Also keep in mind that it may not be the complete picture and even may ultimately just be advice for yourself.  Be more humble and stop forcing your solutions on others!

Walk with Firm Compassion!

The ultimate answer here is to walk with firm compassion.  Do seek and stand on as much truth as you can.  Doing anything else is stupid.  Always keep in mind however that you are still human and need to always approach others with grace and mercy.  Be compassionate, even when confronting what needs to be confronted.  Truly listen when you claim to do so.  Don’t just hear the words someone else is saying, but seek to understand the meaning behind the words and what is driving them.  Give practical solutions, not trite phrases that lack the ability to be carried out.

Doing that would be much more pleasing to your Lord Jesus Christ than anything else!



A Common Problem

Loneliness impacts a great many people today.  Our society is more interconnected than ever before, yet many different people are very lonely in spite of this.

Different Varieties

All loneliness is not the same.  It may be rooted in a feeling we are all alone, but the situations can vary greatly.  Making them all equivalent is shortsighted and does not fulfill the goal of helping people feel connected.

Alone in a Crowd

Many people today fall in this category.  They have a number of coworkers, acquaintances at church and other social organizations and likely a fair number of family members.

They may not be close to any of them however.  They may do their job, but rarely connect with others outside their direct work responsibilities.  Their family is likely either alienated or distant.  They may attend a church regularly, but make no connections there as well past the informal “how are you doing?” question they may get at times.

Mostly Alone

These are people who are likely to live alone or perhaps with roommates they rarely see.  They most likely have coworkers, but don’t have any connections with them outside of work.  They may attend church and could even be in a small group, but those connections don’t go outside of the time together at the church activity and interaction with others during those times is quite limited.

Almost Completely Alone

This is a group that is physically alone far more than the others.  They likely have no direct family.  They only have a few people that are acquainted with them, perhaps some they see at church.  They may even attend a small group, but rarely make connections out of that small group.

Opening Your Eyes and Understanding

Those with busy lives, even if they are a bit lonely, very likely do not see the depth of this problem.  They may even face some loneliness themselves, but it is not a priority since so many other things take up their time.  The people who need to really see the problem the most are those in church leadership.  That is a position with lots of demands and almost all have people wanting their time and attention, so they can’t see that some in their churches (and who might be in their churches) face serious challenges in these areas.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Stop assuming that the solution is all on the part of the one who is lonely.  They usually do not have the tools nor personality to do all to fix their problems.  Their loneliness is not necessarily driven by a bad personality either, even if they seem a bit rough at the edges to you.

The Church Must Do More

Many of the comments and advice in this post is aimed at churches and their leaders.  This is a proper focus since these people are leaders of what should be the greatest provider of community in our world, but it rarely is.

Most are entertainment centers only open for a few hours a week, in spite of the massive amount of money spent on their facilities.  These times end up just being the worship team entertaining those present and then a leader preaching a relatively feel good message before everyone returns to their busy daily lives.  This is not the picture shown of the Church in the Book of Acts, but it is what we mostly have today.

A Promise We Must Enable

[Ecc 4:9-12 NKJV] 9 Two [are] better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him [who is] alone when he falls, For [he has] no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm [alone]? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

I have heard this preached a few times, but it is usually then followed by an admonition to group with others.  I have never heard someone preach it with the understanding that the one who is alone may have no idea how to fix the situation.  Or maybe they have tried many times to make connections, only for their attempts to fail.  Giving vague commands without practical ways to carry them out is worse than useless.

How to Connect?

This is the big question that most rarely address.  Connecting with others is very hard today.  Most people have many different demands for their time pulling at them already with family, work obligations and even their own entertainment desires already filling most of their time.  These are the people who usually get the focus of efforts to be involved with small groups or other connection methods in a church.

They may even get involved with those things, but they rarely have time outside of that and thus those who need to connect have no chance of making the connections they really need.  This can be very frustrating, especially when many (especially church leadership) will regularly say such groups are the exact way to connect.

No Easy Solution, But Make an Effort!

This problem does not have an easy solution.  Just telling lonely people to “make more connections” is completely worthless.  A few really do repulse others, but most are just no equipped with the type of personality that easily connects with others.  The people with that type of personality typically have a bunch of friends already and fail to even see the hard times faced by most of the modern population, to one extent or another.

Even those who think they are lonely in leadership have plenty of possibilities, whether they take advantage of them or not.  More churches should offer explicit ways for those who need connections to connect.  Instead of focusing all small groups on “just an hour or two a week,” focus at least some on “making connections outside the group.”  This must be planned however.  Many people who attend such groups already have full schedules, so they are not going to be thinking of making more connections, whatever the underlying desires of church leaders or even what may be said when announcing these groups.

Provide Solutions

Provide explicit ways for those who want and need connections to do that.  Have affinitiy groups, where people can find others in the church that share their interests in fun activities.  Don’t limit this to a select few, but really open it up.  This could be by a bulletin board (physical or likely online today) or another method.  Let everyone in the main services know about this way to connect and even consider highlighting one or two of these on a regular basis.  The background videos many churches play between services are another good place to have ads for the existence of these groups and possibly even specific groups.

Also have regular times on specific Sundays where those leading such groups can find others in the church who may have an interest in that activity.  Provide a place to show some of the “tools” of the activity so those with an interest can be drawn in from the visual elements.

Get Outside Your Comfort Zone!

The key thing is to go outside your comfort zone, especially as church leaders.  Stop seeing 1 or 2 services a week and maybe existing small groups as the sole answer to reaching this ignored group.  It doesn’t have to take a lot of your own time, but you need to be actively enable this in your work.  Will you have the guts to do that or will you stay with the status quo and keep missing many hurting people?

Individual Christians also have a strong role to play.  Push your church leadership to consider these suggestions and any other good ones that come up.  Push them out of their comfort zones to reach these people.  Be an active part in supporting and growing such efforts.  Start such a group and actively let others know it exists.  You may not have as much free time, but do something instead of making excuses!


Loneliness and the Older Single Man

Loneliness Throughout Society

Mankind has always fought being lonely throughout history, but it is even more common today as our modern society has torn apart the bonds that used to bind us.  Family sizes are significantly down and the families that do exist are often spread apart over all parts of the country.

Divorce Has Taken Its Toll

This challenge is even more profound for older single men, who are often kicked out of their families lives for no reason of their own.  Many of these men may have had a limited social network already and the divorce is likely to have pushed away any friends and other support.

The Church Should be a Support

[Psa 68:6 NKJV] 6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry [land].

The church should be a support in this area.  Unfortunately, modern churches do very little to really connect people, in spite of what the Scriptures say about showing love to one another.  It should actively provide ways for people to connect, especially those who are alone.

Too many churches think that services and perhaps a small group meeting for an hour or two a week is plenty to meet any such needs.  Those activities may help people with existing families and groups of friends, but they do very little to connect truly single men with anyone else.  A short time, even if it involves some talking with each other, is far from enough to really connect people.

Lonely people need connections throughout the week, not just on short designated times.  Yet the Church does very little to meet this need.  Most don’t even see the need, since they already have enough connections, even if they don’t have as much extended support as they might have in the past.

Add in Loner Personalities for More Challenge

Many older men have at least a bit of a loner personality as well.  Many are introverted and find it quite hard to reach out to others in a meaningful way.  Noting that in a group will often get other men just confronting them for their failure to solve their own problem, something the rarely have the tools to do.  They will be told to do this or that, whether those things will really help the core issue or not.

Church Leadership Can’t See the Problem

I have yet to meet a man in leadership at any church that really understands the problem.  Most have families of their own, but even those who are single will almost certainly make connections because of the people drawn by their role in the church.  They are likely to have too many opportunities to connect, giving them absolutely no understanding of the problems facing those who have no such connections.

This is really a serious problem for the Church since it cannot meet a need it doesn’t see.  Telling men to do more on their own won’t solve the problem.  Most men who face this will eventually leave the church to avoid the pressure to do things they cannot.  This then becomes a main failure to reach one of the key goals of connecting Christians that a church is supposed to meet.

I would strongly challenge you if you are in church leadership:  Seek out those who are alone and even disenfranchised.  Seek to understand where they are coming from rather than just repeating stock phrases such as “be friendly” or “join a small group”.  Those can be good things, but do not deal with the entire problem and your job as a leader is to help make the framework to enable even such men to fully connect with others.

Get out of your complacency and start using your role in the church to help those solitary find the families they need!


Why No Healing and Prosperity for Christians?

The Claim

Many teachers and preachers proclaim that all the promises in the Old Testament about healing and prosperity are no longer for the Church today.  I have never heard a Scriptural reason for this, just bold assertions.

Only Spiritual Now?

These individuals claim that Christians are only promised spiritual blessings, healing and prosperity.  Since becoming a Christian is a spiritual change, they claim that is all that is covered now.  They fail to note the Scriptures that claim this, but they still hold strongly to it.

Some Idiot Preachers Poison the Well

Several idiot preachers do focus on healing and prosperity as almost a magic formula, so it is not surprising that some have reacted strongly to those claims.  Cancer will not generally vanish in a moment in most cases.  Nor can you confess in a new sports car if you just have enough faith.  The foolishness that is taught in this area has unfortunately made some completely ignore the clear promises that God has made, even in the New Testament.

I expect to go over some Scriptures on these topics in the future, but I am only addressing the main principle now.

Failure Don’t Negate a Promise

Many oppose these two vital areas for Christians since they point to failures of people to achieve them.  They will say, “This really holy person was sick,” or “This faithful man never had more than a few dollars in his lifetime,” as if man’s failure to get what God promises negates those promises.

These failures just prove that men don’t always get all that God wants.  Who is really surprised by that?  God wants all men to be saved, as the foremost example, but all men are not saved.  God wants us to not sin in our lives, but that happens and He fortunately made a provision to deal with it, even though it falls short of His Will.

Many under the Old Covenant didn’t walk completely in the prosperity and health that is clearly noted, especially in places like the Psalms.  Yet that doesn’t negate the promises either!

The Key Question

Though the key question here is why the New Covenant loses the promises in the Old Covenant for health and prosperity have gotten lost?  I have yet to see a good reason for this.

Don’t let yourself be cheated out of what God promised, wherever that promise was made.  Focus instead on meeting any noted conditions and then seeking God to find any reasons that things may have failed and work to clear those out and get all that God has promised!  Stay away from the foolishness and excess of some, but don’t just settle for barely enough.  Give all the extra if you don’t personally want more.  Many wonderful ministries desperately need more support (though ignore the ones that just beg).  That support can also be from your own health, using yourself to do useful things for them.  You can’t do that if you are sick in bed.

I will write more on this in the future, but for now quit making excuses and take God seriously in your own life!

The Biblical Order

Creation in a Specific Order

God created man first, then created woman as a helpmeet for the man.  This means that woman was created to be a help for man.  That does not sit well with many in the modern church, including many who should know better, but it remains an established first principle however much anyone dislikes it.

The Order is Confirmed

The Epistles restate this order.

[1Ti 2:13 NKJV] 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve.

Paul emphasizes that the man was made first, then the woman.  The Scripture then goes on an covers deception and who is more likely to fall for it.

[1Ti 2:14 NKJV] 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.

This is the basis for the reason Paul clearly notes that women should not lead (or teach) men in the church, since they are more prone to deception, with the implication that this was because of the order of creation.

Adam walked in knowing rebellion, which is a problem in and of itself.  This means that men are more prone to willfully do wrong, but less likely to accidentally do wrong.  That is the exact opposite of women.

Messed Up Society

The proper godly order is strongly opposed today, even in churches that claim to hold true to God’s word.  Many who claim to put the Word first have twisted so many things around that the woman becomes the defacto leader, whoever the figurehead is on paper.

This means that a pastor’s wife or other leading women in the church will often end up controlling the direction and even doctrine in the church rather than the pastor and other men technically in leadership roles.

Those men may be the voice of things, but they end up following the will of their wives.  This is fed by the underlining assumption that women make men better (with no mention of the reverse) and the idea that women are more spiritual and spiritually in tune than men.  Thus following your wife is the best direction, in the minds of such people, since the woman hears God’s voice and commands better.  This makes her the Holy Spirit in the man’s life!

Things Need to Change

This situation is likely to continue for some time, but it will not continue forever and is a travesty for those churches that claim to be following God’s Word.  They are following a goddess cult instead, even though they would likely never admit that.  Some even proudly proclaim that women should be put on a pedestal, something that makes them an idol.  The Scriptures are clear that any idol is bad, no matter who it represents.

I wish I could hold out hope for this to change soon, but I have personally come across far too many that do not even see the problem.  Some of these will even claim women do not lead, yet are always confronting men on supposed sin, yet soft peddling even the mildest comment about female behavior.  Many don’t even bring up any lacking by women at all.

Think how fast the men in a church will gather around a woman who claims “abuse” with or without any proof of such.  They will actively help undermine marriages, even while claiming to oppose divorce, because woman can manipulate them so easily.  A radio call-in show host I have heard goes off on a rant that a woman “does not need to be a punching bag” if one claims abuse, with no knowledge that woman frequently make up such charges to gain the upper hand (especially in divorce proceedings) and the abuse claims have nothing to do with true physical abuse.

How many men have had their lives ruined by an unhappy wife who made a false claim, directly or implied, of abuse?  Too many take those words at face value without any thought of their truthfulness.  This attitude assumes women do not sin and is harmful in many different ways.

I pray some pastors read this and the other things I write here with open eyes.  The Christian Church needs to awake from its slumber.  I do not expect this to happen for many though, since the rot is so deep and the cost of standing against it is too high.  Even for those who think they are willing to stand against any foe shrink back about confronting any sin by the women in their congregations or even those in the world.  The foe they end up supporting is far worse and has killed more godly marriages than any ungodly person, yet they fail to see that and will not budge from their false convictions.  They are doing more harm to the Gospel and the Truth of God’s Word than the harshest foes, but they do not see it!

Ruling Women are a Curse

[Isa 3:12 NKJV] 12 [As for] My people, children [are] their oppressors, And women rule over them. O My people! Those who lead you cause [you] to err, And destroy the way of your paths.”

All the efforts of even those in church leadership is leading us to a cursed situation.  God state this as a bad path, most churches embrace it today.  Do we really want women to rule over our churches and get the curse that either indicates or produces?

Talent Does not Confirm Direction

Talent Should Support Your Life, not Rule It

Many people confuse talent with a call from God.  It is also easy to rely on what you can do well rather than continually pushing yourself to live up to your best, in an effort to be a good steward of what God has putting into your life.  God will often use what we are good at, most likely because He put it there in the first place, but merely being good at something doesn’t mean it should be the primary focus of your life.

Talent is Good and Helpful

It is great to have talent.  Being able to do something easily and well can often make something more enjoyable and produce a better result.  This is certainly much more pleasant, but God’s path is not always easy to walk.  We need to find the balance between being a good steward of the talents and skills God has given us and relying on Him to make up for where we are weak as we step out to perform His will in our lives.

Talent Can Make You Slack Off

It is easy to take life a bit easier when talent can clear a way that would require a lot of effort for others.  This is one of the tougher areas to face today.  We must always remember that God usually judges by how well we use what we have, rather than by how well we do compared to others.  Having lots of talent can make it easy to do well, but to not really live up to our potential.

God Provides Where He Leads

God will always make a way when He is leading a certain direction.  That includes providing the ability to do whatever He has called you to do.  It may never be easy, but it will ultimately be rewarding and worthwhile as you follow His direction.

[2Co 12:9 NKJV] 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This means that He will fill in the needed strength when we pursue what He has put before us.  A lack of ability should not stop us, nor should a surplus of ability allow us to just skate by.  We must always use whatever He provides to do as much as possible, whatever the cost.  Trust Him to supply, but we should then walk out with our full ability.

Some do foolishly take this to mean they should do nothing, but that is far from the truth.  We should seek to have Him grow what He has already given us.  Never stop, even as you learn to focus on the areas of His leading.

We Each Have a Measure of Faith

[Rom 12:3 NKJV] 3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

We all have a starting foundation to build on for the future.

[Mat 17:20 NKJV] 20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.
[Luk 17:6 NKJV] 6 So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

The point in these verses is that even a small amount (a mustard seed) can grow if used properly.  Many people get hung up on the mountains and forget that the main point here is to grow and use what you have, not just wait for God or someone else to do what needs to be done.

Are You Using Your Talents Wisely?

Take this time to evaluate whether you are using what God has given you wisely.  It may be a stretch or it may be easy.  Make sure you are doing all you can with whatever He provides whatever you start with.  Focus on being a good steward, not someone who just barely gets things done.  That will allow Him to say “well done” to you when you stand before the Bema seat of Christ!

Flip the Genders to Test the Expectations

Starting Point

Hmm had a post over at Dalrock’s blog recently that raised an interesting point.

It would be an interesting experiment to ask a class of college students what the duties of men are in society, then ask what the duties of women are. You might have to ask different classes or at different times to avoid too much cognitive dissonance.

An alternative experiment: solicit the duties of men and what to call men who avoid them, then reverse the sexes: “A woman who won’t fight for her country is a ______.”

Most churches today completely miss that men and women are different and have different roles to play in life.  Some play lip service to it, but they do little to enforce it in reality.  Even the more conservative ones can fall prey to this, while thinking they are keeping a proper Biblical balance.

The Biblical Position

[Deu 22:5 NKJV] 5 “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so [are] an abomination to the LORD your God.

This is under The Law, but the principle is still consistent with the rest of the Scriptures.  That would make it worth considering today, even though Christians are clearly not under The Law.  Considering what it means for both sexes is a worthwhile exercise.

A Man Dressing Like a Woman

This can be easy to figure out in many cases.  A man in a dress is obviously dressing like a woman, except if it is a kilt, though those are both rare in most areas and look very different from a normal skirt or dress.  Other ways this may push the edge is wearing frilly clothing that intentionally looks quite feminine, but such things are normally limited to those following their same sex attraction.

A Woman Dressing Like a Man

This is far from clear in most of our society.  Any expectation for specific female clothes has almost completely gone out the window.  Women can wear just about anything today with no special denigration or even notice today.  Anything from stretch pants to jeans has become the norm for most women.

It Goes Beyond Wearing Dresses and Pants

I have mentioned this issue to some church leaders and the the response I got only thought I was trying to push the “women must wear dresses not pants” message.  They had walked so far down the modern path that they couldn’t even consider the deeper issue.

I would strongly argue that women look far more feminine in most dresses than pants.  This doesn’t mean a woman could never wear jeans (in my view at least), but how many women wear dresses today?  Look around the next church service you are in.  Count how many women are in dresses, especially ones that look feminine.  Then count how many look like men, at least except for any breasts, though even these can be almost invisible at times for at least some women.

Feminine and Masculine Looks

How often do men dress in a masculine way these days?  That does not mean wearing a suit or unbuttoning a shirt down to the navel.  The first is just formal business wear, not necessarily masculine clothes.  The latter is just a failed fashion style of the past that is fortunately not very popular anymore.  I am sure you can think of many other caricatures that are comical, as well.

In the same way most women today do not dress in ways to properly highlight femininity.  This implies very sexually suggestive clothing in today’s world, but that is not really what this term really means.  Feminine is not slutty, though you would not know that watching the entertainment industry coverage.  This could be a reason some women avoid any attempt at looking feminine, but that is not the only reason.

A Biblical Masculine and Feminine Standard

Avoiding thinking on this issue is another wimpy approach of modern churches.  We can and should focus on looking appropriate and clearly showing the differences God created.

Keep in modesty, but don’t try to make women just “men with boobs” and therefore eliminate the incredible difference God has put into place!

Made to Need a Helper

The Original Plan

Man was made to need a helpmeet.

[Gen 2:18 NKJV] 18 And the LORD God said, “[It is] not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Man was in the perfect state he was created in, but it was still not good that he was alone.  God then proclaimed the intent to make a helper that was appropriate for the first man.

[Gen 2:19-20 NKJV] 19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought [them] to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that [was] its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

God first showed all that had been created to demonstrate no proper match currently existed.  We don’t know specifically how long this took, but it was long enough to prove that nothing else created would fill the need in man’s life.

[Gen 2:21-22 NKJV] 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

God then took part of man and made a woman.  This woman came from man himself, not just from the dust of the earth or something else.  She was truly unique and she was created from the man and for the man.

Man Acknowledged What Was Done

[Gen 2:23 NKJV] 23 And Adam said: “This [is] now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

Note that the man came first and had to give up something, his rib, for the woman’s creation.  She was made perfect as well and was made to be a proper helper to Him.  Adam realized this and greatly appreciated the connection.

Seeing the Future Plan

[Gen 2:24 NKJV] 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Adam and Eve did not have any family to leave, but Adam saw what would happen for all men in the future.  A few foolish women today take this to mean only the man leaves his family, but that is missing the fact that the woman was made to literally be his.  Her existence was made to be a fulfillment of his life.  She was already considered his, Adam just wanted to point out that the man also needed to leave his family to start a new family.

Things Get Messed Up

The Fall really messed things up here.  The woman who had been created for the man now had the curse of seeking her own will first.  Note the curse on Eve after The Fall:

[Gen 3:16 NKJV] 16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire [shall be] for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”

The woman would have, from that point forward, the desire to rule over the man.  The same words used for desire here are used later when God told Cain that sin desired to rule over him.  This means that a woman now had a strong pull to not be the helpmeet for the man, but to rather be his lord.  We see that a lot today, including in many supposedly Christian marriages.

Tough Choices for the Modern Christian Man

The modern Christian man faces a very tough choice in this area.  He was made with the need for a woman to be an active supporter, but very few women want or are encouraged to fulfill that role today.  Most modern churches have completely turned this on its head, focusing instead on how a husband must serve and complement his wife instead of taking what is Written in the Scriptures seriously.

This means that many men are pulled with the desire to connect to a woman and have that godly marriage, but so many things work against it that Paul’s admonition to remain single is very relevant today.

[1Co 7:8 NKJV] 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;

This is helpful for keeping a focus on godly things, but the fact that women can and do nuke their marriages on a whim today, with the complete support of both the State and the Church means that this can has even greater value.

Some things can be done to check out a wife ahead of time, but nothing can guarantee that she will stay faithful her entire life, however much she proclaims such an intention at the start of the marriage.  Even churches will quickly turn against a man on a wife’s claims of abuse or other  unhappiness.

A Very Tough Struggle

This hit me very strongly recently when I considered my own future.  I see great merit in remaining single, yet I still have strong desires for a godly wife.  I do not expect my ex-wife to ever be repentant enough for reunification with her, so my only option is someone else.  Many women seem attractive, but walking the minefield with only the hope of making it through alive makes pursuing the God-given desire for a helpmeet wife something that is not easy to reconcile.

I am sure I will write more, but I thought the tension between God-given desires and the train wreck that is modern marriage is worth consideration.  God definitely doesn’t promise us an easy path.  This is definitely one of the more difficult ones.  Walking out life between them is not easy for anyone today.

Churches and pastors really need to repent for being a part of this problem and making it worse, instead of being the true supports of godliness they claim to be.  It is no wonder many men are turning their back on formal churches.  It is tough to go someplace that gets in the way of fulfilling what God created.